My house sells

I could not spend anytime by myself! Each day at work, I would try to study in that office by myself but could not-I would walk around Harvard Square and look at shops. After work each day, I would often go to the gym with friends. After the gym, I could not let myself go home so I would make plans with people each night. I just could not be alone or I felt a sense of panic. I'd was so tired because I would not rest. My realtor called and told me there was an offer on our house. I met her to complete the paperwork. She told me we would close on house in March. I felt a sense of relief but also sadness. I knew I was going to need to find an apartment so I began the search. I found a place to live-I would have two roommates. Friends helped me pack my stuff and then move. When I finally got into my apartment, I panicked because for the first time in awhile I was with Chris's stuff. I found his bathrobe, his glasses, some of his tissues, his socks. I just was in a state of despair. I remember calling my parents and telling them how sad and hard it was to be with his stuff. I could not throw it away. I would wear his bathrobe around the house. I knew I had to take my boards so I signed up for April 1. I went to my house one more time to clean it up before the closing. Some friends went with me. We cleaned and left and the sadness I felt was just to the depth of my being. I called a friend in from nursing school. I told her that I wanted to go check myself into the mental ward at Mass General Hospital. I just wanted someone to take care of me for once. I did not want any responsibility. I wanted to rest. She told me to wait and she would come over. We talked and she was like Emily, if you go to a mental ward, they will make you stay. She is like you won't have any freedom or space. She said why don't we go to the mall and think about it so we did and I realized that I better not go. I was trying to study for my nursing boards. I took the test April 1 and I passed! I felt Chris was with me the whole time I took the test! I felt so happy for the first time in months because my I had succeeded! I told Mass General that I would start working in May. I went home to visit my parents. My mom took me to her yoga class and I just cried-it was too quiet and it made me panic. I had a good visit with mom and dad. They just listened to me. They threw me a party for passing my boards. At the party, several of their friends were like you should move back south-maybe Birmingham. I was like no way.