Decisions

It was September, and I checked the mail and found an envelope marked from Boston Medical Center. It was the autopsy report about Chris. It was a crisp, green piece of paper that stated cause of death: accidental fall. I felt that I knew that deep down, but it was a relief to finally get the report. I realized that I never would know EXACTLY what happened to Chris to cause his death. I created a scenario in my head that helped. I felt that he tripped on the ice when he got out of the commuter rail. The police report about that night stated that there was heavy ice on the train depot. My parents and I talked, and they encouraged me to accept that hypothesis. I was not sure what to feel but, I had I was beginning to be sure that I should move and start over somewhere new. Just so many memories in Boston to face everyday. I called my mom and dad and told them what I was thinking. Mom and Dad told me they had been praying for me and felt maybe God was leading me to move. They both said they had been praying that I would realize how God was helping me through this crisis. I told them that I would think about it, and if I felt the same in 2-3 months, I would take the plunge. They said whatever I wanted was fine with them. For some reason, Birmingham, AL came to my head. I began to read about hospitals there-UAB was an excellent hospital. I decided to put my resume into them. I was about to turn 30 which depressed me horribly because if felt how could I be 30 and be a widow! I decided to throw myself a party! I invited everyone I knew! So many people came and that helped me lot. I told everyone that I was going to probably move away. People said they could understand why and how it would be good to get close to my family for support. This was the end of October-I had gotten calls from UAB to come interview so I booked a flight and went to check it out. It was kind of exciting to think I could maybe start all over and maybe make a new life with new memories. It was not that I wanted to forget Chris, but I knew I could not move on living in Boston which was the city he loved more than anything. Everywhere I went, there were constant reminders of dates and fun times we shared. I got several job offers and I accepted one in SICU. I went back to Boston and turned in my notice-last day to work 12/25. I wanted to work on Christmas because it was the anniversary of his death. I wanted to keep my mind occupied. It began to get very cold in Boston and the ice was all over the sidewalks which made me think of Chris. I felt such a sense of relief that I was moving which helped me realize that I was doing the right thing for me.